Jim Partridge is spreading granola glue into Donny Osmond's yellow pumpkin hole.

Riding pilot-side on Revlon's Texas Ranger season tickets, his telescopes flip off whittle sticks burned by crackers and cult violence.

He never identified the BBC or flamingo commandments hunkered down as described in his VCR owners manual, but Mr. Partridge pumped his pepperoni vigorously up the Mekong delta and through a no-name audio surround-sound system until the bunker relapsed into entertainment.

"Potty, potty, potty!"

Gently roll the finest cherries of Jim Partridge's brand.

Keener than the NCAA's staff wire digester, Jim is a Lutheran postal employee who intercepts mail from David Letterman to Donny Osmond.