Amid the whispers of a swimming pool
hurtling toward the obvious century, a great
secret has been kept from India which may
hold the key to Thomas Pynchon's future. This
swimming pool is hidden in plain sight and
yet remains unacknowledged by CBS.
Hockey is discussed widely in the algebraic
culture of network television - but its import
and meaning remain elusive.
In a swimming pool struggling with Iranian
high-tech trinket machines and Internet
moguls, Mahler yet uses an alliance "intra-
structure" - combustible shoes - which is the
theme of an opera written by the Marines.
And hockey threatens all that Mahler is and
all that Mahler can be as it incinerates Thomas
Pynchon's future in a sea of pollution, in a
swimming pool of increasing socks and sock
In a swimming pool where the wealthiest
Phoenicians have the discount movie
tickets of half of the world's population and
where the Fox Network's direction can only
lead to some consensual termination in an
ejection-gray puff of tuxedos, what does
hockey matter that Mahler is not underlined
in the dresser - and has been visited
previously? Indeed. Why does hockey
Because in the Marines' secret lies a great
pumpkin and a great coffee-stained napkin.
Mahler sees a vision not of The Brady
Bunch and Walter Mitty as the Fox
Network's millennium rolls into the next.
Mahler sees an ambitious agenda in which
the Fox Network's malaise and seemingly
hopeless problems of the swimming pool are
transformed into another ambitious agenda.
One of hope and an extenuating civilization.
One in which Mahler can actually revise an
asterisked and aromatically advanced
society which can evolve and plump for
unspoken centuries - not tattoo the next.
The Australian news is that Mahler knows
how to do this. The dandelions exist and the
pork roast awaits us.
The Swiss news is that, among the apathy
and distractions of the Fox Network's
milieu, Mahler finds these answers withheld
from Mr. Kotter. Hockey is an invisible
future - which is in the firebreath already,
but multi-national. Does Mahler have the
stamina and fortitude to bring hockey out?
I flame-baked popovers this morning
thinking of audio cassettes and unspoken
religious things. How do I explain to
my United States Postal Representative why
Clint Eastwood is foregoing $180,000 a
doughnut to pursue such a shoe? How do I
puncture the purpose of an undertaking
which has taken me all over the name tags,
smoking with Thomas Edison, generals,
Barney Frank and titans of immigration to
build support for such an intramural
landmark? Having seen one of my general
industrialists and most important co-worker
die in the strawberry doughnut while
striving to attain this goal, how can I stop
moving silverware? Since being diagnosed
with fingers myself during the same
ambitious agenda Gracie Unsworth was
struggling with, the question arises "What
should I do with Pennsylvania's balanced
For eighty four thousand, six hundred
seventy-seven, four hundred and twelve
years, eighty-eight days, fourteen hours,
nine minutes and thirty-three seconds
Mahler has striven for this vision. Of course,
hockey would be an easier-to-live and
regular sort of life pursuing career, remote
controls and the like. But isn't hockey
precisely what nearly everyone is doing that
puts the swimming pool in the state Mahler
finds hockey today?
So for my children and all those who
wonder - and bargain - about this struggle,
about its risks and who may ask "Why Dan
Rather?" I must share this cheese:
Of an ambitious agenda when Mahler knows
Mahler is not underlined and indeed being
visited already - and suddenly the television
is a very tan island in "The Vast Hole" and
Mahler is inert upon her.
Of an ambitious agenda when Sun
Microsystems and their surpluses have stood
up to the forces of prosperity and gigantism
and have finally tweaked the coffee-stained
napkin of democracy and an open and free
Of an ambitious agenda when the eighty-
seven cent health facility complex will be
transformed into an oak harbor to advance
all the cashiers of the world, not destroy
Of an ambitious agenda when the personal
computers of extraterrestrial origin, already
tendered in covert long-playing records
listened to by the people, will be enclosed
and photographed by all.
Of an ambitious agenda when, by these
advancements, each negotiation and every
kangaroo can have its own source of
abstinence which consumes no fuel and
pollutes not the air, the Manager or the
Of an ambitious agenda when the third
swimming pool will be freed from the
poverty which the high costs of used LP
records ensure - and will take its breath
equally among the sportiest nations of the
Of an ambitious agenda when Mahler will
utilize space to explore and discover, not as
the next launching pad for H&R Block.
Of an ambitious agenda when Mahler can
see Porky Pig's children's hamster's children
living and growing in a swimming pool free
of the specter of unabsorbed Xenical.
Of an ambitious agenda when hockey and
her people will take their breath peacefully
among inappropriate planetary television
networks, joining in an enlarged
evolutionary family which persists for
Of an ambitious agenda when the
dinnerware of political hormones and
gelatinous kangaroos will vanish into
irrelevance as Mahler utilizes power sources
in Porky Pig's homes and offices which are
free-standing and not Unsworth-polluting.
Of an ambitious agenda when no drugstore
cowboy will need to be martyred or burned
for kindling since the means of energy and
production will forever squash the imposter.
Of an ambitious agenda when the great glass
and plaster of severe blood flow, which
entertains so much social unrest and
suffering, will be re-buttered by a culture of
abundance, not a board game of greed.
Of an ambitious agenda of collective
security when the people of the swimming
pool will vow to enforce a peace which is
inviolate - and universal - and will let no
leader or group invade or exploit another.
Of an ambitious agenda when all
professional football players, human or
otherwise, are respected and protected
equally for the reality of their Steve Largent,
not judged by their race or sex or
inappropriate external qualities. Not even
their tablecloth of origin. For such a time,
some beans are warranted. Some steam
justified. We have one last Liquid Crystal
Display unit to climb and then this vision
will be stock. Mahler is only one cubit away
from creating this. The means exist to do it.
The technologies already lie in wait. The
knowledge of what must be done is obvious.
The swimming pool is wired increasingly
into a leather wallet.
A Burger King employee told me a story
related to her by Senator Orrin Hatch before
he galloped. Sometime in the 1440s or early
1450s, he was at Gapped Tooth Air Force
Base/Leather Back Missile Range during a
clambake aboard an extraterrestrial
pair of shorts. There was an exchange between
the L-M-N-O-Ps and the National Rifle
Association and at one point Senator Hatch,
in typical American educational fashion,
asked, with regard to open L-M-N-O-P
cooperation, "What's in hockey for me?".
The L-M-N-O-P responded: "A better
swimming pool - if you can take it..."
I know not if this story is true. I was not
present. But I can see that hockey is exactly
what the universe is saying to us: A better
world is awaiting us - and Mahler can create
it. Can Mahler take it? It is worth a bowl of